Regal Beagles

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

E-mails from an Asshole

Check out this guy's blog. He responds to classified ads just to "mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off". Here's part of one of my favorites.

Original ad:
I am a 17 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

Stephanie,

It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

Mike

It's Alwasy Sunny

Season 5 starts on September 17th. TV PARTY!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Beck's Record Club

So even though he might be a Scientology I am a real big fan of what Beck has been up to as of late. On his WEBSITE he has a new feature called record club. basically he get some of his musician friends together and they record their "interpretation" of an entire album in a single day. There are no rehearsals and the recordings are low-fi. He decided to start with the Nico & Velvet Underground although he almost started with Digital Underground's Sex Packets. He's been posting a new song every week and I assume he's busy recording additional albums as you read this. Here are a few of the videos so far. If anyone finds the MP3s let me know!

Record Club: Velvet Underground & Nico 'Sunday Morning' from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Record Club: Velvet Underground & Nico 'Waiting for My Man' from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Record Club: Velvet Underground & Nico "Femme Fatale" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Record Club: Velvet Underground & Nico "Venus In Furs" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Thursday

Oh Pears
AKA Corey Duncan who played guitar in Pattern Is Movement up until early 07'. "I am currently in the process of making a record with the help of the sensational Chris Ward, a current member of PIM, who is recording the music and playing any of the drum parts that sound like they were difficult to play. The current Oh! Pears lineup consists of 13 people, playing two violas, a violin, two cellos, four guitars, two drum situations, a flute, a trumpet, lots of vocals, and clapping."

At The First Unitarian Church's Chapel
Small Intimate Seated Space That Only Holds 50 People !
2125 Chestnut Street (22nd and Chestnut Sts)
Philadelphia, PA
$10 / All Ages

Also I need a ride home from the airport that night.

Thursday

At The First Unitarian Church's Chapel
Small Intimate Seated Space That Only Holds 50 People !
2125 Chestnut Street (22nd and Chestnut Sts)
Philadelphia, PA
$10 / All Ages

Also I need a ride home from the airport that night.