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Monday, June 8, 2009
I Want You...to come to the BBBBBBQ
We observe today not just a barbecue, but a celebration of Meat -- symbolizing the hotdog, as well as the mighty hamburger -- signifying intoxication, as well as narcotic influence. For I have sworn before you and Almighty Kurt Schmoke the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed nearly four years ago.
"Drinkin' Natties, Smokin' Fatties"
In your hands, my fellow BBBBBBQers, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our barbecue. Since this party was founded, each generation of BBBBBBQers has been summoned to get shit-faced off of National Bohemian. The puke of young BBBBBBQers who answered the call to service surrounds Baltimore.
Now the trumpet summons us again -- not as a call to shotgun beers, though shotgunning beers will be needed -- not as a call to kegstands, though very thirsty we are -- but a call to bear the burden of a slowly-cooked marinated chicken breast, year in and year out, "rejoicing in blunt smoke; patient in exhaling," a struggle against the common enemies of man: boredom, sunburn, cataracts, and soberness itself. Can we forge against these enemies a grand alliance of party supplies, devil's lettuce and adult beverages, commemorative t-shirts and party bags, that can assure a more fruitful barbecue for all Baltimoreans? Will you get wasted with me in that historic effort?
In the long history of the BBBBBBQ, only a few motherfuckers have been granted the role of lighting the grill in its hour of maximum lighter fluid saturation. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange spatulas with any other asshole or any other dickhead. The beef, the buds, and the beer which we bring to this barbecue will fuck up our guests and all who consume them. And the glow from our blunts will truly light the world.
And so, my fellow BBBBBBQers, ask not what your barbecue can do for you; ask what you can do for your barbecue!
THE BBBBBBQ
JUNE 13TH
JON'S HOUSE
Come, or you might be a communist
"Drinkin' Natties, Smokin' Fatties"
In your hands, my fellow BBBBBBQers, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our barbecue. Since this party was founded, each generation of BBBBBBQers has been summoned to get shit-faced off of National Bohemian. The puke of young BBBBBBQers who answered the call to service surrounds Baltimore.
Now the trumpet summons us again -- not as a call to shotgun beers, though shotgunning beers will be needed -- not as a call to kegstands, though very thirsty we are -- but a call to bear the burden of a slowly-cooked marinated chicken breast, year in and year out, "rejoicing in blunt smoke; patient in exhaling," a struggle against the common enemies of man: boredom, sunburn, cataracts, and soberness itself. Can we forge against these enemies a grand alliance of party supplies, devil's lettuce and adult beverages, commemorative t-shirts and party bags, that can assure a more fruitful barbecue for all Baltimoreans? Will you get wasted with me in that historic effort?
In the long history of the BBBBBBQ, only a few motherfuckers have been granted the role of lighting the grill in its hour of maximum lighter fluid saturation. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange spatulas with any other asshole or any other dickhead. The beef, the buds, and the beer which we bring to this barbecue will fuck up our guests and all who consume them. And the glow from our blunts will truly light the world.
And so, my fellow BBBBBBQers, ask not what your barbecue can do for you; ask what you can do for your barbecue!
THE BBBBBBQ
JUNE 13TH
JON'S HOUSE
Come, or you might be a communist
Weekend Update
I bought some art this weekend. Sweeeet!
Then I rode my bike up the hill to watch the fireworks after the Phillies played the Dodgers...
Saturday I went out for like 30 minutes chipped a little bit of my front tooth on a beer bottle and saw Roams...
Then I went home...
Fin
Then I rode my bike up the hill to watch the fireworks after the Phillies played the Dodgers...
Saturday I went out for like 30 minutes chipped a little bit of my front tooth on a beer bottle and saw Roams...
Then I went home...
Fin
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