BBBBBBQ UPDATE #4

"Look, there, just beyond the horizon."
"A great storm is fast-approaching! Quick Edna, grab the children, and head to the cellar." "Pa, you better tie the horses down, it looks like it might be a doozy"

This is a famous scene from a fictitious film I just made up, but i feel like it encapsulates the spirit and energy that is surrounding this years BBBBBBQ. My taste buds are tingling and my loins are burning with anticipation. Beers are on ice, steaks are marinating and yes, t-shirts are being printed while you read this. This is what i like to refer to as the calm before the storm.
I get accosted on the streets daily by strangers eager to participate:
"Hey dude, your that barbecue dude, right? Hey man, can i com....."
"WHOA Buddy! Let me stop you right there, Amigo (said in obviously sarcastic tone). First of all, I wouldn't be caught dead with you at my "barbecue" (air quotes), and second, the mere fact that you refer to it as simply a barbecue shows your lack of respect. Scram before we start throwing hands and I sock you one!"
"Well, can i at least buy a t-shirt"
"I scoff at you"
"C'mon man! I'll suck your dickkkk...."

Its quite awkward actually, especially when it happens at work.

So you, my friends, are the lucky ones, the chosen few, the brave frontiers men about to go where only a handful of you have been before, annually, over the previous three years. god speed.

As I stare at the sand passing through the hour glass, I can't help but wonder, "What if this BBBBBBQ is not the bestest of the bestestest BBBBBBQ's ever. well, good grief, what on earth would i do". I know you dont want to disappoint me, or hear me talk like an 80 year old grandmother, so here is what i propose:

1. All BBBBBBQ attendees must get no less than 10 hours of sleep the night before. i want all of you on your A-games and well rested. This also means no whoopee. If it works for athletes, it will work for you.

2. Bring something to eat. Pretty self explanatory. bring enough for yourself AND some for others as well. just like in kindergarten. dont like meat? well suck it up pussy! no, i kid. bring some vegetables then. i would be really stoked if people made some stuff. I may make macaroni and cheese. Maybe, dont hold me to it, but I'm almost putting some sort of half-assed effort into it, kinda.....that's called setting an example. follow my lead.

3. Beer. Maybe you have heard of a lil' sumpin called Natty Boh? its delicious, satisfying, it cleanses the palette, and it costs like $5 for a 60 pack.

4. Jazz Cigarettes. The Devils Lettuce. If you know what these things are then you are at the right place.

5. Bring $4. This will cover the cost of the t-shirt. my original intention was to skip around and sprinkle tees on everyone like some sort of gay Johnny Appleseed but they ended up being a little bit more than i anticipated. but honestly, 4 bucks...you just spent 4 bucks while reading this, dont ask me how, but you just did. if you dont have 4 bucks dont sweat it, you can still have one, but you will be sentenced to a barrage of "your momma so poor jokes" for the entire afternoon.

So, that about covers it. JUNE 21st. Rain or Shine. If it rains we'll just use a pair of Jon's moms underpants as a tent! Awwwwww....I know you didn't.

LET THE FUN COMMENCE!!