Denton Tall Tales #4

During the summer I worked painting houses. I worked with Crazy Rednecks and they would play pranks on me all the time. They would make me paint something on a roof, take away the ladder and leave me up there for most of the day, or lock me in a closet and eat my lunch, shit like that. We had 2 vans that we would take to work, one was for the beer drinkers, the other was for the weed tokers. I met Rob in the weed van. He was a weirdo, grew his own shrooms, and told ridiculously elaborate lies that you wanted to laugh at but he probably would have fought you if you questioned him. The 2 stories i can remember:

1) His friend was riding his harley down a country road. He was driving between 2 hills about as tall as his head. suddenly a deer tries to jump from hill to hill, crossing the road. The deer doesn't quite make the jump and lands directly on the back of the harley. His friend then drives all the way home with the deer on his back, kills the deer and makes dinner for all of his friends. Rob was at the dinner.

2) When he was a teenager in Florida he was drinking some cold ones with his buddies. A stranger approached them and asked them if they wanted to make some extra cash. they said sure. They all climbed into a van and were handed flashlights, then they were driven into the boondocks on an old country road. The van stopped and they were all instructed to lie down in the ditches lining the road and to turn their flashlights on. Fifteen minutes later a small plane landed on the old country road directly above them. They unloaded the contents of the plane, "pure Colombian cocaine, man", into the van, the plane took off, and they all made $20.

Rob was also part of one of the funniest things I have ever seen. He would leap over things at work all the time and say his agility came from his army training (he was never in the army). One day he tried to jump over a deck railing, his feet got caught up, and he landed face first REAL hard. The rednecks lost their shit, and I laughed so hard i almost threw up.