Sweet Pee

Most of you have heard this story before. I’ve told it a bunch of times. Im sure some of you thought it wasn’t true, others thought I was embellishing a lot. Well, I recently had the pleasure of reminiscing with my ex-girlfriend and she told me her side of the story. So, for your reading pleasure, I’ve typed up the story but added her quotes. R Kelly aint got nothing on me bitches. Enjoy:

About 6 years ago, I was living with my ex-girlfriend. She had a serious drinking problem and would come home really late and really wasted all the time.

"Yeah, I was drinking a little bit then"

She would stumble into bed around 5 in the morning, take her clothes off and snuggle up next to me. One night after some heavy binge drinking, she got into bed and snuggled, but I soon awoke from a strange mystery liquid that was slowly spreading across my lap.

"I peed on you."

That’s right….She had peed the bed. In the morning we talked, I asked her to never do that again, and we probably made whoopee or something.
The next night is ladies night out, and she comes home late and drunk again. I made a joke like, “hee hee, I hope you don’t pee on me again”, and went to sleep. Soon after, my slumber was broken by warm liquid once again. Pee…..once again.

"When I would go out u would always warn me not to drink too much,
‘L, don’t get too drunk.’
‘I wont, I wont...I’ll see you later!!!’
‘Don’t piss the bed when you get home’ (something like that)
‘Whatever Snacks, I’ll be alright...muah’
Then what happens? 4 hours later I pee the fucking bed"

This time I was very pissed (pun intended), and the next morning we had an argument. I was upset and said some things I shouldn’t have said, namely, “IF YOU EVER PEE ON ME AGAIN… I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PEE ALL OVER YOU!!!!”
So the next night it’s someone’s birthday or the Ravens were playing or something, and she goes out again.
Same scenario as before, drinky drinky, stumble home, climb into bed. I woke up and asked her if she remembered what I had said that morning. She did.
Well, of course she pees the bed again and it goes all over me. I was furious. I jumped out of bed, and started shaking her to try and wake her up, but she was in a drunken stupor. She was literally still peeing while I was shaking her because I could see the pee stain creep across our bed and grow larger. It was completely disgusting. So I shot out of bed, and ripped off the covers in a rage.

“Oh, you were not happy”

“I had made a claim, and by golly I was going to stick to it. I’m passed the point of no return. I told this girl that if she peed on me, then I was going to pee on her. I have to do what I have to do…”.
So I did the only thing I could do. I pulled out my dick and peed all over her. It was one of those nice morning, thick, yellow pees that go on for a while.

“(I’m)not quite sure if it was warm or cool”

I didn’t just hit one area, I scattered the pee all over her naked body.

“I wasn’t angry, it felt kinda good, I was kinda hung over so...I think I just laid there, I deserved what I had coming to me...I think I just closed my eyes and shook my head...maybe I cursed a little...its all a little wishy-washy”

This was vengeance at its finest……and this vengeance was all mine.
The next morning we went and bought a new mattress, we made up, and that was the last time she ever peed on me.
Moral of the story: dont pee on me......more than 3 times. Just ask my dog, Bird. She will never pee in the house again.