I don't know if anyone else watches 60 minutes, but after football, it's turned into something of a ritual in my apartment amongst me and my roommate. I used to watch it as a tyke, my parents liked it. And as far as television news magazines go, I'd have to say its the firstest with the mostest, to paraphrase Lester Bangs. They still seem to produce interesting stories after over 40 years on the air, which is pretty impressive.
In spite of the great investigative and informative news stories, the best part of the show is Andy Rooney. For two minutes at the end of the program this doting old man comes on to deliver irrelevant complaints about irrational irritations. There may have been a time when Rooney delivered insightful invective as he inveighed against grander problems in society, but he has now reached the point of a lame farm animal allowed to freely chew cud in the pasture. He no longer provides the milk, he flesh is too flabby to provide meat and he's too much of a sentimental favorite to dispose. But in his twilight, left to his own devices his commentaries are wildly fascinating.
A few weeks ago on The Best Show on WFMU, host Tom Scharpling read Stephen King's Entertainment Weekly column called, "The Pop of King." The column he read was an endless and idiotic rant on what and who was "cool." Scharpling masterfully pulled apart the column simply by reading it aloud. At one point he wondered aloud if King had forgotten he had to write a column that week and punched this thing out in 15 minutes.
That's how I feel about Rooney. It's not easy to write an interesting, original, weekly opinion piece, but it's not an impossible task-thus the rise of blogs. I can't imagine it takes the 88 year old Rooney all that long to come up with these things, but after doing it for almost 30 years I'm sure it is difficult to create new and interesting ideas.
So he's on auto-pilot.
And I'll provide you guys with recaps of what you're missing starting today.
This past Sunday Andy talked to us about books. Though, to this point he's never told us to buy a book on air, he said he still receives a ton in the mail. Don't these people understand? He ain't for sale. So stop sending him books! He's not going to ever talk about them or show them on air. Wait. Scratch that. He showed us some of those books.
He receives a lot of self help books. Says Rooney, "People don't seem to think I know how to do anything." What a bunch of jerks. A few books were about how to live in a complaint free world. "If I were to stop complaining, I'd be out of a living," says Mr. Rooney. Then he read Dr. Norman Peale's quote on the cover of "The Joys of Aging," saying, "It's the best book on the subject." Rooney wisely quipped, "I wonder what Dr. Peale's opinion is on some of the worse books on that subject." Take that! Dr. Peale, down a peg you go. But A Roon wasn't done yet, after showing Suze Orman's book, "Women and Money," he said, "Suze's good looking, I doubt that good looking money are any better with money than homely women are."
That's the advantage of being 88. You no longer need to be fooled by a pretty face. It probably helps that Rooney is a super mega star and could pull any woman he wants too.
Now, I'm generally willing to take him at his word, but just to do some fact checking I went to Suze Oramn's website. First off, I'm not convinced she is good looking. Second off, she's written 6 best seller books and is a financial columnist for O magazine and a motivational speaker. Furthermore, according to site, "Suze is undeniably America's most recognized expert on personal finance." So, maybe there's more than looks involved in her having her job? I think Andy Rooney is just projecting a little bit, because he's able to keep his job based on his looks.
Rooney closes the segment with an elegant statement about a book called, "How to Be Funny." He says no one should try to be funny, it should just happen. Then he modestly admits that perhaps he should read this book for assistance in writing his 60 Minutes pieces, because "That's where my self-help needs help."
The Video: Andy Rooney Segement for 12/30/07
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