Friday, August 24, 2007

Jay dresses like an old man.

Andrew P. Warcraft's Weekly Tattoo Pick

I like the idea of having a themed weekly post. So I'm gonna try to post up a tattoo pic every week. If you think you have a good tattoo let me know and I'll take a picture of it. Good luck beating Shaky.

Creepy!!



This is 45 minutes long. I didnt watch the whole thing yet, but it looks real good. These dudes are very lonely creeps.

Overhead and Legless

Since I'm no longer working in a den of crazies, I worry that I might lose contact with insane people and the insane things they say. Fortunately, I've taken a shining to golf. Unfortunately, no one else I know has the time or dedication to the sport that I've got. Fortunately, I go and play by myself. This is fortunate because I am often added into stranger's groups. Though strange to me, they are often familiar to each other and speak with familiarity. Last Wednesday in Delaware I was privy to a lovely bit of crazy talk from two strangers. This is my first, and maybe last installment of Overheard on the Golf Course, an homage to the occasionally hilarious website called overheard in new york. I don't know if this idea has legs or not.

Both men are wearing tan polo shirts and darker tan shorts. Each has a slight southern drawl to their vocal inflection. One has a mustache, one does not. We walk up to the green and the clean upper lipper says, "I like doing it from behind but my wife hates it. I got a small cock, so it hurts her. To get in there I've really got to wail into her from behind and it just hurts her too much."

The other fella, the mustached man says, "My wife hates it too, but it's because I go too deep into her, it hurts her too much. I love doing it from behind though."

In the tee box at the next hole the non mustached man continued, "yeah, I had girl once say, no you've got a big penis. I looked at her and said, 'Now I know you're a liar.' I got a small cock. But it doesn't matter, you just got to treat all these bitches like whores in bed."

I kept quiet, but I couldn't have put it any more succinctly myself.

Coach Finstock

There are three rules that I live by:
never get less than twelve hours sleep;

never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;

and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

4:20

I see your Larry and raise you a Mike Damone

Mike Damone's Five Point Plan

LARRY

Deez Nuts

"That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

Labor Day

So I was just talking to Brannon and since nothing else is going on for Labor Day we are going to throw down on the roof on Sunday the 2nd. Interested????

CRANK DAT SOULJA BOY

Who got dem bathin apes?

Denton Tall Tales #13

During the summer months we would roam around town. Denton did not provide much in the way of entertainment. No movie theatres, arcades, bowling alleys or anything really. To pass the time most youth would resort to two things, sex and substance abuse.

I ran into some friends one day and they told me they were going over to Alison’s house. Alison was my neighbor; she was one year older than me, a freshman in high school, had a swimming pool and was very well-endowed. Despite being neighbors I had never talked to her before, and the only contact we had was when I would accidentally hit a baseball in her yard or something.
Of course I went with them.
The plan was very clear from the beginning; we were going to try and see Alison’s breasts. There were 5 of us all together, all of us the same age and grade (8th), except for Kurt, who was one year younger. She welcomed us in, her parents were away, and our plan was quickly set in motion. I don’t remember any beating around the bush. At first she just flashed us. I ate a bunch of skittles. She flashed Kurt and he punched one of her boobs. He was asked to leave. We needed to see more.

I don’t remember speaking during the entire time I was there and I’m pretty sure I was so amazed and happy that all I could do was smile. As the smallest of the group I was used as a bargaining tool. It went down pretty much like this:

Dude: Hey, you should show us your tits!
Alison: No! (giggle giggle)
Dude: Oh, c’mon. It’ll be fun!
Alison: NOoooooo (giggle)
Dude: Well, show Lil snaxxx your titties. Look how small and non-threatening he is. He’s never going to see tits in his life unless you show them to him right now. (At this point they grabbed me and made me stand directly in front of her. I gave her my best puppy dog eyes)
Alison: Oh, alright…..

After our striptease session Alison asked us if we would like a beer. “We would, but only under one condition…..if you be our topless waitress.” Alison obliged.

Many things went down that day that I can’t mention in this story but it was a truly epic day in my life. Not only did I have my first sexual experience, but I also drank my first full beer. That’s called killing 2 birds with one stone. Some may even say I became a man that day….

As an example of how young we were, we told one of my friends that we were going over to Alison's house to try and look at her breasts, and my friend replied, "i dont know.... i think im going to go watch the cubs game."

We went back to Alison’s a week later, hoping for a repeat of our last visit. Someone pooped in her pool, and we weren’t allowed to go back after that.