Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Yah Mos Def

"Yah Mos Def

free show tomorrow (Wednesday) in rittenhouse sq. with some other bands, i dont know who.
18th and walnut
begins at 7:00 pm
BYOJJ (bring your own jamba juice)"

- my former arch nemisis

Anyone want to go to this?

I posted this on Craig's List

Casting attractive girls to play the role of "Studious Bitches" in a music video.

Must be 18 or over.

Please send E-mails to:
StudiousBees@gmail.com

Send pictures (they do not need to be professional head shots) and a brief statement why you would make a good "Studious Bitch".

Director: Andrew P. Warcraft


I thought I'd get some funny responses. I don't know, I wasn't to happy with the results but here's a few . . .

When I saw this casting, I had to ask myself, studious bitch? How does that apply to me? With little effort, I quickly realized that the term could very well apply to me. My entire life, I've had to be good at everything I do, and academics were no exception. I was always studying....not exactly a nerd, but studious and a conscientious student. In my senior year of high school, I realized I could get my way by manipulating people and coercing them into giving me what I wanted. It was at this time that I had begun to realize the power of arguing and the rush that came with telling people off.

Now, I am pursuing a career in law, using my talents to improve my career, yet I'm studying all the time to maintain great grades.

Thanks for your time,

Kate Mikus




Hey...

My name is Dominique DiCaprio and i'm from south philly. Im 21 and i've
exprienced so much that i pretty much fall under any title. As far as a
"studious bitch" that just reminds me of the movies with the hot girl thats
smart and always gets everything..someone everyone notices. In high school i
was far from that..i was always friends with everyone, but over the years
everything about me changed and i guess i became some what of a studious
bitch myself. I do tend to intimidate others or i always have women stare
and mumble things under thier breathe...i guess when i walk into im very
quite but there is that something about me that the whole room notices.
Anyway...here are some photos!

thanks again for the opportunity!





Hey there!
I'd make a great studious bee because I am studious...i'm always buzzin between gettin shit done and celebrating my work hard to play hard mentality...

neway, here's my pic...do I get to wear a catholic school girl outfit? bc that would be awesome!



HEY, MAY I BE A MODEL TOO:

I'M KIESHA, I'M A SEXY CARAMEL THING WITH DREAMS OF BEING A MODEL, I'M NOT SURE HOW TO MAKE A MODEL RESUME SO I'LL DO MY VERY BEST. THANKS.......






how much do you charge to do videos?


Why cast me?

I AM a studious bitch. I graduated magna cum laude with an attitude. How's
THAT for brief?

Later!
Tara



Hi,

My name is Kay Lai. I would be perfect for this video becuase I have that perfect studious bitchy look. Althought, I am really nice and sweet. I am also great at acting like anything.

Please let me know if you need additional photos.


Thanks,
Kay La




funny?,sexy?,sad?

Scoots


I say we take him to the club.

Denton Tall Tales #3

I had a step dad as a youngster. He was a fat, racist cop. I was a skateboard obsessed, hip-hop listening youth. We did not see eye to eye. In fact, we hated each other.

He busted a kid I went to high school with, and while apprehending him he called him the N-word. Him and one other officer were fired for using racist remarks. After searching for other police officer positions in the area without any luck, he did what any racist cop, recently fired, would do, he became a security guard at Wal-Mart.
Later he stole some security cameras from Wal-Mart and installed them in our house to spy on me. He thought I was doing drugs. and skateboarding. and probably hanging out with black people. I was doing all of the above. He never caught me. I knew about the cameras and mooned one of them once. He was so pissed but he couldn't say anything, or else he would have blown his whole operation.

Last I heard he was a security guard at the Pentagon. Homeland security at its finest.

SCOOTS


Scoots is going to need a new home soon. I would like to do something real big with him. Scare small children, alarm the elderly, film fuzzy porn....anything really. People of the interworld, throw me your suggestions!!

What should Barry's new DJ name be?

1) Velocity B

2) Barrius Aquarius

3) Barry Blanco

4) DJ Alpen

Ponta Negra, Natal, RN


This is the beach closest to my house in Brasil. Its a ten minute bus ride to paradise. When I was younger we would climb up that huge hill in the background. It would literally take us hours. I saw Fernanda Tavares jogging on this beach one day. For those of you who dont know who she is, she is a Victoria Secret model. I remember when I saw her I was like, "ehhh, shes hot, but I see girls like that all the time". Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I am doing with my life...

Denton Tall Tales #2

Every town has its kooks and weirdos. Needless to say Denton had its share. Being from a rural area filled with rednecks and whitetrash, there was a lot of drankin’ going on.

I don’t know what this guys name was but anyone who grew up in Denton will know who im talking about. As the legend goes he accumulated quite a few DUI’s, enough so that he eventually lost his license. He lived out in the boonies and in order to acquire his drinking sauce he needed to drive into town, therefore the DUI’s in the first place. As he had no license and a reputation for the drinking and driving he had only one other option left. HE WOULD DRIVE HIS TRACTOR INTO TOWN. That’s right, there is some kind of loophole in the system that says, if you lose your license you cannot drive a car but you may drive a tractor. This is America baby, its called freedom.

This asshole would literally drive his giant tractor 25 mph down main street to get his booze and then drive out to the country where he would drink it, presumably on his front porch. We would all see him driving and slap our knees and say “well golly, here comes good ol’ willie again. He just cant get enough of that sweet ol’ moonshine” (for the sake of this story ill call him willie, and we didn’t really slap our knees or say things like “golly” or “ole”). The cops just kind of shrugged it off and everyone just laughed at the guy. Drunk guy 1, the system 0.

Trapped in the Closet

The new Trapped in the Closet Chapters are available for the viewing and they are crazier than a fish with titties.

Via Pitchfork

Or just go to the ifc site and watch each new episode

(they've officially jumped the shark. Also, I added it up, at about 8 minutes an episode, this series runs to a total of almost three hours, way too much.)

Denton Tall Tales

I went to high school with this kid named Daniel Dorsey. He was super metal and looked like he was 35. He had no friends and didnt speak to anyone. I think he may have been kind of retarded, half his classes would be with the special kids and the other half i guess were with the normal kids. Whenever any of the teachers would ask him a question he would just grunt, and he also used to shred on his air guitar a lot.

During our junior year Daniel dropped out of school.....AND THEN GOT A JOB AS THE JANITOR. Take a minute to let the epicness of that situation settle in. He hated school enough that he would quit, but he must have not minded getting paid minimum wage to wake up at the same time he had to before, and get made fun of even worse then he was. (To be fair not many people made fun of him to his face. dude was pretty scarry. but we all laughed at that motherfucker as soon as he left the room)

Now, what i would like to know is, he must of been sitting at home, jamming to some Maiden, thinking "fuck school man, i am so out of there, i dont give a fuck what my old man says...", so he quits. fair enough. but i would like to know what happened next. this is the possible scenarios i have come up with.

A) "dude, im only going to school if they pay me. holy shit! there is a janitors position open, all right!!!!! yeeer yereerrrry yyeerrrrr (air guitar solo)!!!!"

B) "Daniel, as your guidance counselor, i just dont see you graduating this year. your best bet would be to learn a skill. As a matter of fact we have an opening in our custodial services department. If your interested i could try and pull a few strings for you" "urrrrggghhhh (sure)"

C) "I quit!!!! Schools out forever bitches!!! Im never coming back here ever again"......Two weeks later......"i miss seeing that sweet trim. What would judas priest do? i got to get back in that school and slay some of these broads. alright!!!!"

He literally went from being in my gym class one week to cutting the grass on the football field the next. I remember kids thinking that he had stolen a lawnmower or something when we saw him. I was just reminiscing with one of my old homies about this kid and I thought I would share. This man was a true Denton legend if there ever was one.

Heart Hurter

She really knows how to work a pole

The End of the Blog/Jungle Fever

My god people. This was a short lived experiment wasn't it? We went from 7 to 6 to 4 to 4 to 1 posts and now were barely making 3? I don't really count the link to Jason's other blog. By the way, two blogs? I mean if you count this one, I've at one point or another been a pen man for 4 blogs, but still I wasn't linking back and forth between them. And the post that wasn't about the moustaches, which was essentially a link to Jason's Picassa page, which I'd already seen was a half assed attempt to talk about someone that everyone already knew, or if like me, didn't know, didn't care. Well about a week in we've already scrapped the bottom of the barrel. And you know who I blame for this? Barry.

He left. He had a going away party. I couldn't make it because I awoke at 5 a.m. to watch the Eagles in their spring training camp. After camp I went for a round of 18 holes with my close personal friend the Balz Man. I was tuckered, I couldn't make it to the shin dig for the Aquarius.

But you know what I did first thing in the morning? I checked the blog. "Oh certainly, they're will be a thrilling re-cap, perhaps a photo or two," I thought to myself. But what did I get? Nothing. Not a god damned thing. I hate all of you. I called Snacks and asked how it was. He took on Barry's personality since Barry was leaving I guess and said, "You know, it was cool, what ever, we just sat around." Blehh. Barry gave you people nothing to write or post.

Well what about you tube? Nothing there. How about your lives? Nothing. August is killing us. The you tubers aren't posting things quickly enough, so we have to invent our own form of entertainment.



Here's my post, and I hope it saves the blog.

I leave my job at the end of the week. They've hired my replacement. She's a 17 year old who sits across from me as I read or watch movies. Unfortunately, I occasionally hear her talking. Another temporary employee who loves Lil Wayne brought in the 10th anniversary issue of XXL magazine. In this issue they had the 10 best eye candies of the magazines storied history. I perused those ladies. Later in the afternoon, the new me, my replacement asked me if I had jungle fever.

Then she was asked the next day by the Weezy fan if there was any race she wouldn't date. After a thoughtful pause she replied, "Arab." Why them? "Well, I would want to get bombed," another thoughtful pause, then, "plus I don't want my children to smell like wet dog or nothing."

It's crazy that they managed to replace me with some that thinks the exact same way as I do.

Shit Happens when you hang out with Mic Tastic

So everyone has their boy. Someone who you claim responsibility for. My boy is Mic Tastic. Now Tastic would be a great boy to claim responsibility for except he never shows up and if he says that he's gonna show up then he really doesn't show up. The only time he does show up is when he's in town for a quick bite(he lives in Lancaster) to eat. Then he pops up, says, "hi" and does something or says something ridiculous. The only way to get to see how awesome Mic Tastic is is to go to Lancaster. It's kind of a long drive but trust me it's worth it. Shit happens when you hang out with Mic Tastic!


JadaKiss

Mustache Rides


Five Days
My mustache helped me pick up these two hot chicks in a San Fran. bar.


Thirteen Days


Twenty Days



Twenty-Two Days
Photo by the beautiful Elizabeth Amorso.


Twenty-Seven Days


Thirty-Three Days
Andrew P. Warcraft + Mustache = Two Girls